With my last few posts, I had a feeling that I would be able to return back to my normal writing habits, which averaged around once in 2 days. But it was not happening. I had a few thoughts that I wanted to post but I didn’t get to put them down. They would seem profound when I was in the process of churning them in my head but by the time I put some more into it, they seemed scattered enough not to be coherent or make any sense. Today, last time I gave my mind a 2-minute break, I thought about the reasons and here’s my desperate attempt to write it down before it too scatters away in fog.
Last few years, I’ve been multitasking. I’ve been multitasking at work and multitasking in my personal life. I’ve multitasked to such extent that I find myself incapable of not multitasking at any given point. If I have some free time, I can’t just read a book. I have to watch TV, think about a number of things AND read a book. If I have to cook, I have to turn the TV on so I can watch it in between, I have to put the newspaper on table so I can glance at it and I have to set all things appropriately so I can make best use of them in the most optimized way.
All that has probably wired my brain in such a way that no thought can come out without first going through the inescapable scrutiny of my mental process – of having to go though analysis, reanalysis, over-analysis, some churning, some mixing up with other thoughts, some reapplication with past events and some trying to fit into the big picture. So what eventually happens is that the original thought and its meaning is soon lost – it’s like a crowded room full of loud drunken philosophers, some contradicting and some offering their opinions to a stream of well intentioned thought that was trying to make its way out of the room inconspicuously. It soon finds itself either shredded to bits or bloated and meaningless.
Well…that’s all I wanted to write for now. I need to find a way to reverse this. Not multitasking, I can’t get away with that. Actually I like it, that’s what makes me what I am. But to nurture my thoughts with a clear, constructive application of evaluation and to free them to the world.